There’s a lot of talk about the power of setting healthy boundaries, but what does that really mean… and why can it be so hard to do? In Episode 6, Steph unpacks this hot topic with Lauren R. Taylor, a powerhouse in the movement to end gender based violence and co-author of the book Get Empowered: A Practical Guide to Thrive, Heal, and Embrace Your Confidence in a Sexist World. From the internal challenges around setting boundaries to potential retaliation to these new limits, Lauren and Steph demystify the boundary-setting process and provide real tools for navigating it with confidence and self-compassion.

Links

* Defend Yourself website

* Get Empowered book

* Brain States Awareness Profile (assessment mentioned by Steph that analyzes brain states. This tool can be used for inclusion work, as well as for becoming your best self at home and in the work place). If you’re interested in learning more about the Brain States Awareness Profile, or in taking the assessment and discussing your results, contact Mercedes, a certified consultant.

Activities

I have a right to:

* To be in public spaces without harassment

* To be me

* To be safe and secure

* To defend myself

* To define my own comfort zone

* To feel however I feel

* To have my boundaries respected

* To make my own decisions

* To not always be available

* To be touched only with consent

* To say no

* To ask for what I want

* To take care of myself, not just others

* To take up space in the world

* To walk away

* To work without harassment

* To be treated with respect

* To feel safe

Am I a bad person?

People raised female often feel like a “bad person” when they start to say “No.” We don’t even know you and we can honestly say this: YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!

If you feel unable to speak up because you’d be violating an unjust rule that says you don’t matter, notice that. What are the sentences that come into your brain when you start to speak up for yourself? Where is the feeling in your body that shuts you down? These feelings are real — but the rules are wrong.

You are not a bad person if you don’t want to do everything that’s asked of you. You are not a bad person if you set limits. You are not a bad person if you ask for what you want.

We all deserve to be whole human beings with our own feelings, wants, and needs. To be able to speak our feelings, wants, and needs out loud might feel like we’re violating some rules — because we are. Let’s break the rules that say we don’t matter, or that we’re not as important as others are.

Guest Bio

Lauren R. Taylor (she/they) is a powerhouse in the movement to end gender-based violence — a fierce advocate for bodily autonomy, safety, and healing. She began this work in 1978, when she co-founded D.C.’s first shelter for abused women and their children.She’s a survivor who, for more than 35 years, has been teaching skills for stopping harassment, abuse, and assault to those most often targeted: women, LGBTQIA+ people, and disabled people.

She and her team at Defend Yourself have shared skills for preventing, interrupting, and healing from harassment, abuse, and assault with some 40,000 people in the D.C. area and nationwide. Her book — Get Empowered: A Practical Guide to Thrive, Heal, and Embrace Your Confidence in a Sexist World — co-authored with Nadia Telsey, is a blueprint for resilience, self-advocacy, and collective liberation. Using practical tools and sharing powerful stories, Lauren equips those she works with to set boundaries, speak up with confidence, and change the world.

laurenrosetaylor.com

More from the We Deserve Better Project

* We Deserve Better Project website

* WDBP Assessment Key Findings

* Get Involved with the WDBP

If you’re interested in being a guest on the podcast to share your experiences in the anti-violence field and/or your visions for a better future, email [email protected] with the subject line, “Podcast Guest”

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Show Credits

Host: Steph Klotz

Guest: Lauren R. Taylor

Producers: We Deserve Better Project team

Editor: Mo Lewis

Writers/Researchers: Steph Klotz

Graphic Designers: Merlin Paton-Usry & Jackie Strohm

Social Media Manager: Jackie Strohm

Music:Breathe In by Sappheiros

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wedeservebetterproject.substack.com