In this episode of Proud Conception, I'm joined by Amy and Rochelle, a lesbian couple who have been together since 2006 and married since 2008, long before marriage equality. They are mums to Josh, now 12, and Alex, now 8.

We start in the present, with what it actually looks like to raise children in a queer whānau as their kids get older. Amy and Rochelle talk openly about how they present their family to the world, at school gates, on sports sidelines, and in the committees and institutions they've pushed to be more inclusive. They share how they've navigated questions from their boys about Pride parades, protesters, and why some people don't agree with families like theirs. And they reflect on what it means to model pride, advocacy and resilience for their children every single day.

We then go back to the beginning. Their path to parenthood involved serious fertility challenges, and multiple rounds of IVF, some of them publicly funded. It also involves a special start: Amy and Rochelle were essentially gifted a sperm donor by another lesbian couple who had finished growing their own family. That donor, and that family, have been part of their whānau ever since.

We talk about the deeply personal decision around who would carry their children and the grief that can accompany fertility making your hopes to carry impossible, and how both Amy and Rochelle cobreast-fed their boys, something they were navigating largely without a roadmap, twelve years ago.

Amy and Rochelle are warm, funny, and quietly formidable. This is a rich conversation for anyone in the thick of building their queer whānau, and just as much for those further along the journey wondering what lies ahead.

As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram@ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend — it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing.

And if you have a family building story that you'd like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing [email protected].