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Coming in HOT after their hiatus ”Dapper Qunt,” hosts Dr. Ari and Mx. Pucks delve into a topic that has sparked conversations across the Queer community: the perceived shortage of Tops in queer sex, particularly within the AFAB, sapphic, lesbian, and nonbinary worlds. The episode, titled ”Where Have All The Tops Gone?” explores whether this shortage is real or a myth, and what it signifies for various Queer relationships.
Is There a Shortage?
Mx. Pucks begins with an internet temperature check, gauging the community's thoughts and feelings. Many express fatigue and frustration, questioning if Tops are simply overwhelmed or if there's a genuine imbalance in the number of Tops versus bottoms. The hosts discuss whether this imbalance could be a reason for the prevalence of polyamorous relationships, as people seek to balance these proportions.
The Science Behind It
Dr. Ari provides an insightful science segment, examining the influences of evolution, stress, and libido on sexual dynamics. They explain how the two sides of the nervous system—sympathetic and parasympathetic—affect sexual arousal and performance. This exploration offers listeners a deeper understanding of how biological and psychological factors might contribute to the perceived shortage.
Are Tops Booked Up?
The episode raises the question: are Tops simply taken, or is there a genuine scarcity? Mx. Pucks and Dr. Ari explore the cultural and political climates that might cause more masculine-presenting individuals to keep a low profile. They discuss the common misconception that masc or butch identities equate to Top roles, highlighting the complexity and fluidity of power exchange and energy exchange, which extend beyond the bedroom.
Femmes Can Be Tops Too
Breaking stereotypes, the hosts emphasize that femmes can indeed be Tops. They challenge listeners to reconsider traditional roles and to understand that topping is about energy, vigor, and the unique dynamics within each relationship, which can include aspects like financial Topping.
Realistic Expectations for Tops
The episode also addresses realistic expectations for Tops, including the physical demands, energy, and relationship norms. The hosts discuss the concept of ”Dick Husbandry,” detailing the maintenance required after strap-on play—covering everything from cleaning and warming to managing a lube stash and dealing with ”sex laundry.”
Navigating Logistics
Finally, the logistics of being a Top are humorously explored. From maintaining a collection of toys to navigating airports with a ”sex backpack,” the episode offers practical advice on managing these aspects with care and respect. The hosts discuss whether new toys are needed for new partners and how often silicone gear should be replaced.

”Where Have All The Tops Gone?” is a thought-provoking and engaging episode that encourages listeners to reflect on the dynamics of Topping within Queer relationships. Dr. Ari and Mx. Pucks offer insights and humor, urging their audience to embrace the fluidity and diversity of Queer sexual roles. Tune in for a candid discussion that challenges norms and celebrates the rich tapestry of queer expression.

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