Most of us learned at a young age which emotions were allowed and which were not. When a child hears ”You'll get over it” or ”Stop crying,” they don't just lose comfort in that moment; they learn to doubt their own inner truth.

In this episode of The Fairy Podcast, host Winslow Vail sits down with special guest Doug Noll, a lawyer-turned-peacemaker, author, and longtime de-escalation teacher, to talk about why emotions aren't a problem to fix. They're part of who we are.

Doug explains why adults unconsciously invalidate children's feelings (hint: it's usually about the adult's anxiety, not the child's behavior) and shares a simple tool that works at any age: naming what you feel, out loud and without judgment. From a skinned knee on the playground to a friend who's suddenly furious with you, telling the truth about your emotions can help bring your nervous system back to calm.

In this episode:

• Emotions as a core part of who we are
• How invalidation teaches kids to hide their real feelings
• Why adults shut feelings down and why it's often driven by their own anxiety
• Naming emotions to self-soothe
• Using ”You feel…” to help a friend calm down quickly
• Responding to anger without taking it personally
• Calming first, problem-solving second
• Daily practices to build confidence and inner resilience

Whether you're four years old or forty, this skill works. And when children learn it early, they often become the people others turn to in difficult moments, because they know how to listen, connect, and respond with empathy.

About Doug Noll

Doug Noll is an award-winning author, speaker, and trainer. He is, among many other things, a lawyer-turned-peacemaker, mediator, and expert in deep, empathic listening. He left a 22-year career as a trial lawyer, earned his Master's Degree in Peacemaking and Conflict Studies, and has helped thousands of companies and organizations with internal conflicts and poor communication.

He is the co-founder of the award-winning Prison of Peace Project. He has trained mediators and leaders in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia in his innovative peacemaking and mediation processes.

Doug's honors include California Lawyer Magazine Attorney of the Year, a Purpose Prize Fellow, and Best Lawyers of America Lawyer of the Year.

Doug Noll's Website

https://dougnoll.com/

Doug Noll's TEDx Talk

https://youtu.be/rL_m78zdXMQ?si=yzVysSSJ8AjiHX3y

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Fairy Mail: https://www.winslowvail.com/fairy-mail/Fairy-School-Mail/

Music Credits: ”Canon in D” by Johann Pachelbel performed and recorded by Winslow Vail.