Host April DeMille interviews Victoria Icenhower, who calls herself the “self-love scientist,” a public speaker on women’s sexual health and wellness, pleasure, intimacy, and relationships, as well as the host of the Love and Lattes podcast and a Pilates teacher. Victoria shares how she left a male-dominated corporate government/contracts job after burnout and an unhealthy environment, turned to yoga and life coaching, and began her own business in 2021 with coaching, yoga, workshops, and, later, more public speaking. She describes uncovering trauma, people-pleasing, sexual shame, and relationship misalignment, including a divorce that led to losing her identity and rebuilding from a “blank canvas” through self-love and learning what feels good and what she wants.

Victoria explains her coaching approach, mainly one-on-one work, starting with clients’ definitions of intimacy and sexuality and exploring how experiences (including religion or trauma) shaped their beliefs, then addressing common blocks like shame and discomfort using their voice. She discusses her own six-year celibacy (October 2017–October 2023), including no self-pleasure, and says it began from fear and became counterproductive, contributing to financial blocks and health issues (including uterus prolapse) until she worked with a healer to shift, resumed dating in late 2023, and entered a committed relationship. April and Victoria discuss the connection between sexual energy and confidence, finances, and communication; the need for self-romance and scheduling pleasure practices; and the importance of boundaries and not people-pleasing in dating.

They address common themes in clients, including guilt and low self-worth when asking for what they want (especially sexually), leading to unsatisfying experiences and feeling depleted after dates. They discuss how men may feel inadequacy, defensiveness, and fear in the bedroom, the importance of collaborative communication, and concerns about toys being perceived as threatening. Victoria says vibrator use has not been scientifically proven to cause long-term desensitization, though overstimulation can cause temporary sensitivity, and she encourages learning pleasure without devices as well. The conversation covers pornography’s impact, with April strongly opposing it as addictive and damaging; Victoria notes concerns about younger men using porn as a reference for sex and resulting mismatched expectations. Victoria says her podcast will feature more episodes on intimacy and sex this season, especially in February and March, and she shares where to find her online (theselflovescientist.com), her email, and Love and Lattes on Apple Podcasts. She closes by affirming that pleasure is a birthright, people are worthy of feeling good, and the most secure relationship is the one with oneself.

Victoria Icenhower is a Self-Love Scientist, speaker, and coach who helps people reclaim their confidence, redefine intimacy, and step into lives of pleasure and empowerment. After overcoming corporate burnout, divorce, and personal reinvention, Victoria transformed her story into a mission: to guide others through life’s transitions with self-love at the center. Through her coaching, workshops, and her podcast Love & Lattes, she blends psychology, self-love practices, and intimacy coaching to empower individuals to live boldly, love deeply, and embrace their authentic selves.

IG: victoria_icenhower
Email: [email protected]
Website: theselflovescientist.com

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