This episode of the Counterfeit Emotions Podcast features Ben Kjar, whose life story centers on identity, adversity, faith, resilience, and learning to distinguish determination from stubbornness. Curtis Morley frames the conversation around the idea that Kjar’s accomplishments—wrestling success, business, and his film Stand Out—are less important than the person he chose to become through difficult experiences

A major metaphor throughout the conversation is the Pool of Bethesda. Kjar describes how, as someone born with Crouzon Syndrome, he once viewed his condition as a curse and waited for something or someone else to change his circumstances. Eventually, he came to see the condition differently—as something that could become a gift—and realized he needed to stop ”sitting by the water” and take responsibility for moving forward himself. 

The discussion then moves into identity. Kjar explains how easily people can accept identities placed upon them by others. A painful childhood experience in a grocery store caused him to internalize the idea that he didn't belong, until his mother reframed his difference: he wasn't born to fit in; he was born to make a difference and stand out.

Another central theme is the relationship between pain and purpose. Kjar suggests that scars and difficult experiences can become something we share with others rather than something we need to hide. Both speakers discuss the idea that faith doesn't necessarily mean being spared from pain; sometimes faith means going through pain while believing that God is present. 

The conversation also explores vulnerability as strength, rather than weakness. Kjar describes how his earlier, military-influenced view of leadership emphasized toughness and emotional restraint, but he eventually came to see openness and vulnerability as a genuine leadership strength. 

Later, Kjar connects his wrestling experience to his philosophy of life. He talks about ”calling your shot”—declaring who you intend to become before the evidence exists. He recalls writing that he would become a three-time state champion before actually achieving it.

The final portion of the episode shifts toward surrender, peace, and listening. Kjar describes realizing that he had become addicted to chaos and achievement because they made him feel productive and valuable. He now sees genuine inner peace as a greater accomplishment than money, possessions, or external success. He also describes learning to let God ”drive” rather than constantly trying to take control. 

Overall, the episode is about moving from victimhood to agency, shame to identity, pain to purpose, control to surrender, and chaos to peace.

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