Our s*x lives and relationships are deeply shaped by the messages we absorb — online, in culture, and in the way we talk about each other.

In this episode, we unpack the rise of “body count” culture, from AI tools that claim to estimate it, to the gendered double standards and myths that sit underneath it – exploring how these narratives play out in real life, the pressure they place on both men and women, and how they can fuel shame, entitlement, and an impossible set of expectations around being both “experienced” and “pure.” From there, we dig into performance anxiety: how sex becomes something to get right rather than something to experience, the impact of porn scripts and spectatorship, and why being stuck in your head can disconnect you from your body and your partner. Then we chat about accountability, and what it actually means to take responsibility for harm, why it can feel so difficult, and how repair, communication, and behaviour change are central to respectful relationships. 

Hosts: Anthony Stefanos (@anthonystefanos) & Tess Fuller (@tesssfuller)

This podcast is produced by Annabelle Kablean (@hellsbell.es), Teach Us Consent and I Want It Yesterday Studios, and supported by the Australian Government Department of Social Services.

Want to go deeper? We've created hundreds of resources to help you get confident with consent, sex and relationships – visit teachusconsent.com.

Content note: This material contains sensitive content, and includes references to sexual harassment and assault, homophobia, and other forms of violence. Please listen with care and compassion for yourself, and feel free to switch off at any point. 

References in this episode:

Under Pressure: Men’s and Women’s Sexual Performance Anxiety in the Sexual Interactions of Adult Couples (University of New Brunswick)

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2024.2357587#abstract

Sexual Performance Anxiety (International Society for Sexual Medicine)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31447414/

Health and lifestyle factors associated with sexual difficulties in men – results from a study of Australian men aged 18 to 55 years (University of Melbourne)

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5103242/#:~:text=This%20paper%20shows%20that%20experiencing,aged%2035%20to%2055%20years.

Support:

Lifeline: 13 11 14. Lifeline is a non-profit organisation that provides free, 24-hour telephone crisis support service in Australia. Volunteer crisis supporters provide suicide prevention services, mental health support and emotional assistance, not only via telephone but face-to-face and online.

For a full list of support services, visit https://www.teachusconsent.com/get-support for resources such as 1800RESPECT and 13YARN, or call 000 in emergencies. 

In Australia, Mental Health Care Plans are available through GPs and can provide access to subsidised sessions with mental health professionals. Reach out to your GP to discuss your options. 

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Gadigal people. The Teach Us Consent team respects and honours Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander elders past and present, and their enduring connection to this land. We acknowledge that First Nations people disproportionately experience sexual violence, and we are committed to ending sexual violence. 

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