In this episode, Rachel engages in a heartfelt conversation with Valerie Rubin, an attachment specialist with an anxious style and a trauma-informed somatic coach. Valerie shares her personal journey of navigating anxious attachment, chronic pain, and the complexities of relationships with emotionally unavailable partners.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Anxious Attachment is Common: Approximately 50% of people in the United States struggle with anxious attachment, yet many feel isolated in their experiences.

• Healing is a Journey: Healing from anxious attachment is not a linear process and does not mean being completely “healed.” It involves understanding and addressing deep-rooted patterns, often linked to childhood experiences and trauma.

• Body and Mind Connection: Anxious attachment manifests physically in the body, leading to issues such as chronic pain and anxiety. Healing requires addressing both the mind and body, utilizing techniques like somatic therapy and vagus nerve stimulation to create a sense of safety.

• Choosing Yourself: Choosing oneself involves setting boundaries and recognizing one’s needs. It can feel uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing, especially after a lifetime of prioritizing connection with others over self-care.

• Compassion and Patience: It’s essential to practice self-compassion and patience throughout the healing process. Acknowledging that feelings of anxiety and fear are normal and that growth takes time is crucial for developing a healthier relationship with oneself and others.

BEST MOMENTS

“People carry so much shame and feel like something is wrong with me because they struggle with having an anxious attachment or feeling pulled toward people they know aren’t good for them.”

“Anxious attachment is literally just a symptom of the dysregulation in your body. It’s a reflection of how you were treated growing up.”

“Our nervous system is looking for the familiar. It will always go toward a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.”

“There are so many people going through the same or have been or maybe have been through the other side now. It’s… a massive statistic for the U.S. as well, unbelievable.”

“When we start to do these small moments, this communicates to your body, your brain, and your nervous system that I’m someone worth caring for.”

To Connect With Val

Website: https://www.valrubin.com/

Her podcast – The Anxiety Recovery Podcast: https://spotify.link/75rKte7pRJb

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/?hl=en

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HOST BIO 

Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions – a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience – from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience.

Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken – grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear – and begin to let go of what no longer serves them.

Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences – and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.