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Host: Robby Bolden
Guests: Paul and Niki Speed, Whatever It Takes Ministries

What happens when protecting our image keeps us from asking for help?

In Part One of this two-part conversation, Robby Bolden welcomes Paul and Niki Speed of Whatever It Takes Ministries. Paul shares how he learned to appear spiritually healthy while hiding struggles with pornography—and how years of secrecy damaged his first marriage. He describes the turning point when he told his first wife the truth, accepted responsibility, and committed to doing whatever it took to pursue freedom. Their journey toward healing eventually became a ministry helping others walk through similar struggles. Paul also reflects on losing his first wife to cancer, the questions that grief brought to his faith, and the beginning of the next chapter with Niki.

In This Episode
 Growing up in church while feeling unable to be fully known
 Early exposure to pornography and the confusion of childhood sexual abuse
 The cost of secrecy, dishonesty, and emotional distance in marriage
 Taking responsibility without blaming a spouse
 The courage to tell the truth when the outcome is uncertain
 How sharing their story led to Whatever It Takes Ministries
 Navigating grief and questions about God after losing a spouse
 Niki’s first impressions of Paul and the ministry

Key Takeaways
Honesty creates an opportunity for change.
Paul describes how hiding kept him isolated. Telling the truth opened the door to accountability, difficult conversations, and the work of rebuilding trust.
Taking responsibility means owning your choices.
Paul recounts rejecting advice that blamed his wife for his behavior. His struggles preceded their marriage, and addressing them required him to accept responsibility.

Trusting God includes facing uncertainty.
Paul could not control how others would respond to his honesty. He shares what it meant to trust God while facing the possible consequences of telling the truth.
Vulnerability can help others seek support. When Paul and his first wife shared their story publicly, other couples began opening up about their own struggles. Those conversations helped lay the foundation for their ministry.

Questions to Consider
 Is there a gap between the image I present and what I’m experiencing privately?
 Who is a safe, trustworthy person I can speak with honestly?
 Where do I need to take responsibility for my choices?
 How can I respond with both grace and accountability when someone asks for help?

About the Guests
Paul and Niki Speed serve through Whatever It Takes Ministries, which offers intensives for men, women, and couples. In this episode, Paul shares the personal journey that led to the ministry, and Niki introduces her connection to Paul and his family.

Care for the Pastor Behind the Ministry
If you’re carrying a hidden struggle, marriage difficulties, or grief, you don’t have to face it alone. Care for Pastors provides confidential counseling, coaching, encouragement, and support for pastors and their families.
Visit careforpastors.org and select Get Help to begin a conversation.

Coming in Part Two
Paul and Niki return to continue their story. We’ll hear more from Niki about her own journey and how their lives came together.

Subscribe to the Care for Pastors Podcast so you don’t miss Part Two.