Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place.

Cate “Catieosaurus” Osborn joins your hosts Pam Shaffer and Jessica Stoya to celebrate the release of her best selling book “The ADHD Field Guide For Adults” and explore the real-life impact of adult ADHD, from impulsive late-night projects and time blindness to sensory overwhelm, misunderstanding, and the invisible emotional labor that often comes with neurodivergence. If you’ve ever wondered how ADHD affects relationships, communication, intimacy, and everyday connection, this episode offers an honest, insightful, and neurodivergent-affirming conversation.

Through personal stories, humor, and lived experience, this episode unpacks how ADHD and relationships can be shaped by internal struggles as much as external chaos. We discuss common challenges for neurodivergent adults, including communication breakdowns, difficulty explaining needs, managing distractions during serious conversations, and finding relationship tools that actually work for people with ADHD. We explore how sensory needs, alternative communication styles, and personalized support can help create healthier, more connected partnerships.

This episode goes beyond surface-level advice to examine the broader cultural stigma around ADHD, especially in places where ADHD diagnosis, treatment, or understanding remain limited. Cate generously shares insights from her work as an author, educator, and advocate, highlighting the need for more accessible, inclusive resources for people navigating ADHD in professional life, dating, friendship, and long-term relationships.

Whether you are newly diagnosed, self-identified, supporting a partner with ADHD, or simply trying to better understand neurodivergent relationships, this episode offers validation, practical perspective, and a refreshing reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Thoughtful, funny, and deeply relatable, this conversation is for anyone seeking better communication, more self-understanding, and more compassionate ways to live and love with ADHD.

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Listen now and find solace in knowing you’re not alone in the chaos.

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Show Outline

ADHD and Relationships: Internal and External Struggles

•Cate Osborn discusses how ADHD is both an externalized and internalized disorder, affecting people differently.

•Cate shares a personal anecdote about staying up late to sew a costume, highlighting the lack of external control.

•Pam Shaffer shares a humorous story about adjusting curtains and breaking a curtain rod, illustrating the unpredictability of ADHD.

•The conversation touches on the difficulty of discussing ADHD’s impact on relationships due to its individualized nature.

Introductions and Backgrounds

•Pam Shaffer introduces Cate Osborn, aka, Catieosaurus.

•Cate Osborn talks about her background as a best-selling author, certified sex educator, and PhD candidate.

•Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer congratulate Cate on her achievements and discuss her book’s impact.

•Cate mentions her national speaking and comedy tour, emphasizing the intersection of ADHD and neurodivergence.

Cultural Differences and ADHD Perceptions

•Cate Osborn and Jessica Stoya discuss the cultural differences in understanding and stigma around ADHD.

•Jessica shares her experience of living in Serbia, where ADHD is not widely recognized and often misunderstood.

•Cate talks about the international translation and sale of her book, highlighting the varying attitudes towards ADHD in different countries.

•The conversation explores how cultural norms and attitudes shape the perception and treatment of ADHD.

Challenges in Communication and Relationships

•Pam Shaffer shares her experience of managing time blindness and communication challenges with her fiancé.

•Cate Osborn discusses the importance of individualized approaches to ADHD and relationships.

•Jessica Stoya talks about the challenges of living in a country where ADHD is not recognized and the need to adapt communication methods.

•The group discusses the importance of understanding and accommodating sensory needs in relationships.

ADHD and Professional Life

•Cate Osborn talks about the challenges of balancing her professional life with ADHD.

•Jessica Stoya shares her experience of working in a creative field and the expectations of chaos and goblin-like behavior.

•Pam Shaffer discusses the impact of ADHD on her professional life, including managing time and communication.

•The conversation highlights the need for flexible and understanding work environments for people with ADHD.

Sensory Needs and Relationships

•Cate Osborn discusses the importance of understanding and accommodating sensory needs in relationships.

•Pam Shaffer shares her experience of avoiding eye contact during serious conversations due to distraction.

•Cate talks about the challenges of communicating about communication and the importance of finding effective methods.

•The group discusses the various ways people can communicate their needs, including writing, email, and Google Docs.

Cultural Norms and Consent

•Jessica Stoya discusses the differences in consent practices between Western and Russian kink communities.

•Pam Shaffer shares her experience of designing a sensory-friendly space for her partner.

•Cate Osborn talks about the challenges of publishing her book in Russia due to political and cultural differences.

•The conversation explores the importance of clear and effective communication in all aspects of life.

Impact of ADHD on Professional and Personal Life

•Cate Osborn shares her experience of joining local community Facebook groups to understand broader attitudes towards ADHD.

•Jessica Stoya talks about the excitement of her client who recognized quotes from Cate’s book.

•Pam Shaffer discusses the challenges of recommending resources for clients with ADHD and autism.

•The group emphasizes the importance of accessible and inclusive resources for people with ADHD.

Challenges of Publishing and Communication

•Cate Osborn discusses the challenges of publishing her book in color and the impact of the decision to publish in black and white.

•Jessica Stoya shares her experience of transcribing the book for a client with ADHD.

•The group discusses the importance of accessible and engaging content for people with ADHD.

•Cate talks about the potential impact of publishing her next book in color to improve readability.

Final Thoughts and Future Plans

•Cate Osborn shares her excitement about her upcoming national tour and the potential for a second book.

•Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer express their support and excitement for Cate’s future projects.

•The group discusses the importance of continued education and awareness about ADHD and neurodivergence.

•Cate talks about her plans to continue advocating for better understanding and support for people with ADHD.

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