You know the feeling.

You wake up with good intentions, maybe you’ve planned to go for a walk, start a new habit, or finally finish that project. And then… it hits. That tiny, whispering thought in your mind that slowly chips away at your motivation.

Today, I want to talk about the five most insidious thoughts that sabotage our motivation. These are the sneaky little mental scripts that we replay over and over — often without even noticing — and yet they have the power to stop us in our tracks.

Welcome to episode #54 of the Midlife Reset podcast. I’m your host Cheryl Gordon, founder of the SHE Mindfulness program. We’re a group of kick ass women who are building the life we were always meant to have. A new cohort is starting soon so if you’re looking to lose weight, feel stronger or sleep better, this could be the opportunity you’ve been seeking.

Back to those five insidious thoughts. They are so benign… so common… so unnoticeable… that your motivation is zapped before you begin.

And here’s the thing: knowing these thoughts exist is the first step to taking back control. Once we can spot them, we can respond differently. We can step off autopilot. We can choose action over stagnation.

So let’s dive in.

Thought #1: “It doesn’t matter.”

This is one of the most subtle, yet destructive, thoughts. It shows up in many forms:

* “It’s not a big deal if I skip today.”

* “No one will notice if I don’t follow through.”

* “It won’t make a difference anyway.”

On the surface, it sounds harmless. But underneath, it’s a form of self-sabotage. It minimizes the value of your actions before you even start. And I worry about … over time… if we just abandon ourselves over and over… what does that say about our priorities? Would you blow off a friend? Your kid? Why do you blow off yourself???

This little baby is often tied to perfectionism or overwhelm. If you believe that only perfect, massive action counts, you may unconsciously tell yourself, “Why bother at all?”

Example:

Imagine you’re trying to meditate every morning. You wake up and think, “Well, if I can’t do a full 20 minutes, it doesn’t matter.” Before you know it, you skip the practice entirely. That tiny voice — “it doesn’t matter” — has already won.

How to fight it:

* Reframe small actions: Instead of “it doesn’t matter,” think: “Every little bit counts.” Five minutes of meditation is still five minutes more than yesterday. Such an important point here. I always tell myself, just move the stick a little down the yard. I know there is soooo much more work to be done, but a journey of a 1000 miles begins with the first step. What was that Confucious?

* Focus on momentum, not perfection: Motivation grows when you act, even imperfectly. The act itself is the reward. We think we need to get motivation before the action but motivation comes from feelings of happiness, confidence, enthusiasm. Just taking that first step generates those thoughts on purpose. Then we are on the road to momentum.

* Create visible wins: Write down small successes. Crossing them off reinforces that your actions do matter. I love stickers, the kind you put on kids’ school work. You rock. Great job. Sounds silly but the little girl in me really digs them.

Remember: the smallest consistent steps can create the biggest changes over time. All the most successful people – the ones you’re seeing on book shelves or the internet – are there because they DID NOT QUIT.

Thought #2: “I don’t know how.”

This thought often masquerades as humility or honesty, but it’s really a fear-based saboteur. It shows up like this:

* “I don’t know how to start a workout routine.”

* “I don’t know how to eat healthier.”

* “I don’t know how to start writing that book.”

Here’s the trap: if you focus on not knowing, you stop thinking about what you can do. Your mind freezes in a loop of uncertainty, which feels like a very real and urgent reason to do nothing.

When I started this podcast, I had no idea. No really. No idea. But I told myself, I’ll figure it out. And here we are. One year later. I’m still figuring it out.

If you wait to know everything there is to know about doing something, and you run everyone pitfall through your nervous system and create all the disaster scenarios… no wonder you feel stuck. Start small. Just do something to push the stick.

Example:

I have a client who wanted to start strength training but kept saying, “I don’t know how to use those machines, I don’t know the right exercises, I don’t know where to start.” The longer she rehearsed that thought, the longer she delayed.

Eventually, after learning all this and more through the SHE Mindfulness program, she crafted an action plan. She started at home with 5 pound free weights. Built up slowly based on what she learned in the program. She got some big high fives in our private community. That helped her find the positivity around this and gain momentum.

She just needed to know what to do first — and then take one small, clear step. Breaking down weight training into

1. 5 squats with 5 pound weights and then building a progressive plan over adequate time with numbers and dates and stuff. That’s how she did it.

How to fight it:

* Shift focus from knowledge to action: Instead of “I don’t know how,” try: “I know one thing I can do today.”

* Break it down: Focus on the very first, smallest step. You don’t have to know the whole journey to start.

* Leverage resources: Ask for guidance, use a simple plan, or hire a coach. Knowing a little is enough to get moving.

This thought is dangerous because it convinces you to wait for the “perfect conditions” or complete knowledge — conditions that never exist. The antidote is clarity on the next step, not the whole path.

Thought #3: “Just this once.”

This is the thought that rationalizes sabotage as a one-off indulgence. It’s often tied to habits we want to change — like sugar, scrolling social media, skipping a workout, or procrastinating.

It sounds innocent:

* “Just this once, I’ll eat the cookie.”

* “Just this once, I’ll skip the workout.”

* “Just this once, I’ll put it off until tomorrow.”

But here’s the insidious part: our brains don’t really do one-offs.

A “just this once” becomes two, then three, then a week. Suddenly, the habit you’re trying to create is derailed. Motivation falters, guilt sets in, and the cycle repeats.

Example:

A client dreamed of writing her book. Originally, the pages flew out her fingers. But, life got busy. Husband needed some tests. One of the kids went through a tough breakup. Kitchen renovation. She started telling herself, “Just this once, I’ll skip writing.” That one “just this once” led to two skipped days. Within a week, she felt like she’d fallen off the wagon completely. What with the stress of all the things, it was too hard to climb back up that mountain alone.

In the SHE Mindfulness program, we talk about how life sabotages our dreams. And specifically how to apply the tools so you don’t lose track of your goals.

* Use micro-commitments: Instead of aiming for an hour of writing, commit to just 5 minutes. It’s easier to say yes to small actions than to big ones.

* Visualize the pattern: Recognize how one exception can turn into a habit. Catch the thought early.

* Swap “just this once” for “just for now”: This subtle language shift focuses on the present moment rather than long-term defeat.

“Just this once” is motivation’s stealth killer. The antidote? tiny, consistent wins.

Thought #4: “I’ll start again Monday.”

Ah yes, the classic delay. The brain loves a neat restart date — Monday, the first of the month, after the next vacation, when I retire — but here’s the truth: tomorrow is a myth.

This thought allows you to postpone indefinitely. It tells your brain that change is in the future, which reduces the urgency to act today.

Example:

You tell yourself: “I’ll start tracking my eating on Monday.” Monday comes. You’re tired. Busy. The new Monday shows up. The cycle repeats. Meanwhile, habits aren’t forming, and motivation drops.

How to fight it:

* Start now, not later: Pick one small, meaningful action that can happen today, even if it’s tiny.

* Reframe Monday: Monday is just another day. The first step doesn’t need a calendar date. The extra food that you mindlessly eat before Monday is just more you need to work through. Might as well start now.

* Anchor to triggers: Use routines you already have. “After I brush my teeth, I’ll do 10 push-ups” or “After my coffee, I’ll write 2 sentences.”

Starting doesn’t require perfection. It requires action. Any action.

Thought #5: “I’m too busy.”

This is the thought that justifies inaction by citing life’s many demands. And for midlife women, this is especially real. Work, family, caregiving, appointments, social obligations… the list never ends.

The subtle sabotage is in framing. We’re not too busy. We’re prioritizing everything except ourselves. Motivation falters because our own needs seem “less urgent.”

We had a very accomplished woman come on retreat last year. Burnt out from stress. She thought the answer was to quit her job and move to a different house. But, after going through the SHE Mindfulness program, she began to see that she had exactly the same amount of time as everyone else, she started looking at how she was spending it.

She discovered how to:

* Reclaim small pockets of time: Even 10 minutes counts. She could invest that in a quick meditation or restorative yoga pose.

* Prioritize like a VIP: She would never skip a big work meeting or babysitting for the grandkids. She learned to prioritize her self-care the same way. It went on the family calendar. Her family cheered her on as she stuck to her guns. And they saw the results for the woman they all loved.

* Batch and simplify: She started a fresh meal delivery service. She hired house cleaning help. She got a meditation app that reminded her. She tracked workouts at the gym. Efficiency increases consistency.

“Too busy” isn’t the problem. Clarity, priority, and small action are.

Pulling It All Together

These five thoughts — It doesn’t matter, I don’t know how, Just this once, I’ll start Monday, I’m too busy — are deceptively simple. But left unchecked, they sabotage motivation day after day.

Here’s the good news: recognizing them is half the battle. Once you can spot the thought, you can choose your response.

Step 1: Notice it.Pay attention to your self-talk. Don’t judge yourself for thinking these thoughts. Awareness is the first act of power.

Step 2: Reframe it.

* “It doesn’t matter” → Every little bit counts.

* “I don’t know how” → I know one small thing I can do today.

* “Just this once” → I’ll do the tiniest action right now.

* “I’ll start Monday” → Monday is just another day; I can start today.

* “I’m too busy” → Where can I fit in a small action that matters to me?

Step 3: Take micro-action.Motivation grows when you act. Even a tiny step fuels confidence and momentum.

Think of it like lighting a candle in a dark room. The flame doesn’t need to illuminate the whole space immediately — but it gives you light to move forward.

Closing Thoughts

Motivation is not a mysterious force that some people have and others don’t. It’s the result of mindset, small actions, and attention to our thoughts.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated that you “can’t get motivated,” know this: it’s not a personal failure. It’s your brain running habitual scripts — scripts that can be rewritten.

By noticing the five insidious thoughts, reframing them, and taking tiny, consistent actions, you reclaim your power. You take control of your day, your habits, and ultimately, your life.

And the beauty? Once you start recognizing and countering these thoughts, motivation stops being this elusive, frustrating thing. It becomes something you can create, cultivate, and sustain.

If you would like to explore this way of working in the world with a group, consider looking into the SHE Mindfulness Program. We’re starting a new cohort soon so it’s a great time to join. There are online study tools, group coaching and a live private community. Change is so much more fun with friends!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com