You can hire the best investment manager in the world, but if a family’s stories are lost or never spoken aloud, resilience and wealth may not last. Most advisors overlook the power of storytelling, even though research shows it shapes legacy and fosters well-being across generations.

On this episode of Visionary Advisor, Alex Kirby (founder of Total Family) features Dr Robyn Fivush, psychologist at Emory University and co-creator of the influential Do You Know Scale. Dr Fivush’s decades of research reveal that family stories, shared at the dinner table or on the way to hockey, are a stronger predictor of a child’s resilience than income or education.

Alex and Dr Fivush explore what actually happens around family dinner tables, untangling myths about “storytelling families”, the real power of intergenerational narratives, and why it’s rarely about a perfectly curated book or completing a questionnaire. Instead, it’s about how stories are shared, who tells them, and when the messy and the meaningful surface. The conversation also dives into oscillating family narratives (not just rags-to-riches), the evolving role of vulnerability, and what today’s advisors must know to support families beyond balance sheets.

Advisors will leave this episode with a new lens for legacy—and practical steps to help families connect, cope, and thrive.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• 00:00 Why sharing both failures and successes is essential for multi-generational resilience
• 00:39 The origins of the Do You Know Scale and what family dinner conversations predict about well-being
• 05:28 How intergenerational stories shape a child's ability to cope—with data from major life events like 9/11 and Covid-19
• 12:13 Why timing and authenticity matter more than “perfect” storytelling (and how to match stories to developmental stages)
• 21:46 How family stories are actually transmitted—not in epic retellings, but in everyday, unscripted exchanges
• 28:42 The three core types of family narratives—ascending, descending, oscillating—and why oscillating stories build the most resilience
• 40:10 Why women often play the role of family historian, and what this means for continuity, connection, and advisor relationships
• 42:49 Practical advice for advisors: how to help families share meaningful stories, foster vulnerability, and deepen legacy

Notable Quotes from Robyn Fivush

”Being vulnerable and talking about your failures as well as your successes is going to be really critical for the next generations to understand what goes into maintaining wealth.”

”Intergenerational narratives provide models—I get it, I know where you are, I've been in a situation like that.”

”It's not knowing facts. The more of these stories you know, the more you come from a family that tells stories on a regular basis.”

”The oscillating story is a story of resilience. We face challenges, but we overcame… There’s always challenges, there’s always resources to help you build the resilience to overcome.”

”Stories are not always told in their entirety at a sitting. They come up in bits and pieces, as it makes conversational sense.”

Resources

• Do You Know Scale and Research by Dr. Robyn Fivush and Marshall Duke (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-stories-of-our-lives/201611/the-do-you-know-20-questions-about-family-stories)
• Psychology Today – Dr Robyn Fivush’s blog (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/robyn-fivush-phd)
• Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks (https://www.storyworthybook.com/)
• Total Family (https://totalfamily.io/) 

Stay Connected with Visionary Advisor
We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn | Watch episode clips on YouTube

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Stay Connected with Visionary Advisor
We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn |  Watch episode clips on YouTube