Fortunate to have a friend in Lauren who shares insightful ideas, asks
relevant questions, and encourages me to think through situations, I was
happy to talk with her about strategies for dealing with toxic people we
sometimes have to be around. Not wanting to pander to their inappropriate
behavior, we spoke about The Alice Effect.

The reality is that we can find ourselves in a situation where somebody is
making it a less happy place for us. We can choose to be the bigger
person, keep our energy level high and not let people bother us, talk to
someone if we feel they are open to listening and find our Zen place.
Jessica Kutcha-Miller, an ombudsman at Washington University advises to
think about the time and place to have these conversations.

The Alice Effect is a lesson in bravery, courage, and accountability. It is
a friendship born from appropriate, emotionally mature behavior. After
mounting frustration, I asked Alice something and it was the straw the
broke the camel’s back. Alice burst into tears and then came back from it.
Alice demonstrated backbone and moxie and was able to accept my
apology-after she pointed out why I had hurt her feelings. We were able to
move forward. I’m grateful to say that Alice and I are friends and I am
forever humbled by her example.

What I learned is that I can say something in the right way with kindness
and respect with the intention of everyone getting their needs met, it
becomes a win/win situation.

Lauren suggests that as women we can appreciate an apology and if need
be, work on the something that needs to be smoothed over or healed.
Lauren also reminds us that it’s, “hard to hate up close. (although she
doesn’t advocate the use of the word hate) If you get to know someone,
learn their story and take the time to get to know someone, there is usually
more of a sense of connection, empathy, and less toxic feeling. Sometimes
this can grow into a beautiful, unexpected friendship.”

Lauren reminds me that there’s not any one way to do this, that’s right. We
use our gut and experience and lean on what others have taught us, what
we know about the experience, and apologize when we screw up.
Many thanks to Lauren who is a wise, loving being. I’m lucky to call her a
friend, too.

Expect Good. Defy Gravity. Sparkle ON! Use the Alice Effect and take the high road.

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