Have you ever been called selfish for leaving a toxic relationship… or for finally saying NO? You’re not alone — and you’re not selfish. In this empowering episode, Christy Jade unpacks why women are labeled selfish after walking away from toxic love, and how to reframe those accusations as proof you’re actually healing.

You’ll learn:
✅ Why abusers (and even family) weaponize the word “selfish”
✅ The truth about protecting your peace after toxic love
✅ A simple script + somatic reset to stop the guilt spiral

✨ Special Listener Offer: Need the exact words to shut down drama and protect your peace? My brand-new Copy.Paste.Peace Scripts give you ready-to-use responses for co-parents, toxic exes, family, or anyone trying to guilt-trip you. No more freezing up or second-guessing — just calm, confident replies that stop the chaos before it starts.

They’re normally $37, but as a podcast listener, you can grab them today for just $17 with code PEACE → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/?coupon=PEACE

💖 Join the Community: Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse inside my free private Facebook group → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

👑 Work With Me 1:1: Ready to go deeper? Book a Reclaiming You coaching session and get personalized support to heal, rise, and rebuild → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello, gorgeous queen. You are looking beautiful today by the way. Just a side note. Alright, so we’re going to talk about being selfish today. Okay? Have you ever been called selfish for walking away from your toxic situation? Whether it was a romantic situation, walking away from a family member or a lifelong friend, just someone at church, whatever it is, we’re going to set the record straight. You are not selfish, okay? Protecting your peace after toxic anything is one of the most courageous and healing things you can do for yourself. So we’ll dive in. Stay tuned.

(00:41)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you’re in the right place, queen. I’m Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I’ve walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I’ve created a plan that’s empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I’m sparkly and fun. So of course it’s going to be fun. So if you’re ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let’s cue your royal glow up.

(01:39)
One of the most common things I hear from women who have actually left the toxic relationship is they said, I’m selfish or I’m cold, right? So this could be your ex, maybe it’s your own mom, maybe it’s someone from your church community, someone in your workspace if you quit a job and it stings because deep down you’ve already given so much. But here’s the truth, women who finally stand up and say, I cannot do this anymore, almost always get slapped with the label of selfish, cold, or even narcissistic themselves. Why? Well, because abusers and controlling people need to keep you in their system. And one of the easiest ways to guilt you back in is to make you question your goodness. So if you’re a caring, empathetic woman, which you are, they know that calling you selfish will hit you right in the heart. They know that is your soft spot because that’s actually your comfort, your pride in yourself is that you’re not selfish.

(02:53)
You are an empath. You are giving and caring, and you do put people often before yourself. You’re finally putting yourself first because you absolutely rock bottom, have to. And now they’re going to twist it to call you selfish or a narcissist, right? Sometimes it’s not even the abuser, usually it is, but it can also be outsiders. It can be mutual friends with the abuser. It can be family like other family members. If it’s a family member, friends, people in religious circles who have been taught women should sacrifice endlessly no matter what. They don’t get it. Or they’ve also bought into the idea that if you’re not pouring yourself out 24 7, you’re failing. And that’s just a no. We’re in 2025. People welcome. Okay? So let me tell you, being called selfish in those moments, it’s not a sign you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign you’re finally doing something, right?

(03:56)
So you know what? From now on when someone says selfish, just say thank you in your head. Thanks. Because you know why they’re saying it. It’s for their own selfish reasons. It’s not actually about you, okay? It’s often just the word people use. When we’re going to repeat this, I feel like I want to say 40 times when you stop abandoning yourself, that is when they use this word, they’re used to you bending over backwards for them or for the other person that they’re protecting. And when you stop because you were actually abandoning yourself to do so, these little sirens go off that you’re selfish. So protecting your peace is not selfish. It is what you need to do to survive it’s sanity. So boundaries are not cruelty. Healing isn’t betrayal. It’s nothing to do with them. This is everything to do with you, right?

(04:57)
Your boundaries are not to control them, it’s to control your peace and your livelihood, your sanity, your health. And you also notice when you stop playing small, the people who benefit from you staying small will get louder. They’re going to push back, they’re going to call names, but that noise, it’s just noise. First of all, we’re going to start calling all that stuff noise. It’s proof you are finally getting free. Or maybe you are free now completely from this narcissist, from this toxic person. So what do you do when the guilt spiral hits? Well, I always have tools in my little toolbox. I first a little sample script you can keep in your back pocket. I’m not being selfish. I’m being healthy. This is a really good one that I used for a long time. I’m being healthy. I’m being healthy. Let’s not get ’em twisted up and confused. Selfish is not the same as being healthy. You can say it out loud, write it down, put it on your phone.

(06:06)
You can also do a somatic reset. You can do a little hand on heart. Take that slow inhale through your nose and exhale little longer than you breathe in. So you could do two seconds in and four seconds out and then repeat. I’m not being selfish, I’m being healthy. And third, you could do a little mindset mantra. Their labels don’t define my healing. Their labels don’t define my healing. We’re going to start really just separating all of this. What you’re doing can have nothing to do with them. You’re protecting your piece. You’re not controlling them. They can do whatever they want. They can say whatever they want. They can label whatever you want. They can tell other people whatever they want. You’ll start in this journey with me, letting those things go, keeping your wall up around you, your protective, golden, shiny, sparkly wall that does not let that stuff penetrate.

(07:13)
You’re a queen and you’re healing, and you need to focus on you and not what other people are saying or thinking why you’re getting away from in the first place, because their mind isn’t right. So you think all of a sudden they’re going to say something that’s true. Now you’re getting out or you’ve gotten out because of their bullshit. So this is just more bullshit. Doesn’t that make sense? They had all this bullshit. You’re finally out and now you’re going to believe they’re bullshit when they say you’re selfish or no, ma’am, nope. It’s still bullshit. So you’re not selfish. You’re actually brave walking away from a situation like that. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do. And hopefully, I know a lot of you are already on that other side. A lot of you are co-parenting, but you’ve gotten out of the actual relationship. Or maybe you’re trying and you’re listening to this to encourage you, girl, it’s bullshit. Jump over. Get on this side of the golden sparkly fence. Get out of that toxic shit if you’re still in it, okay, come join us. You get really sparkly and glowy over on this side, okay? You get freedom. You get peace. You rewrite your story. The story they have given you that they have brainwashed you into thinking about yourself. It is bullshit.

(08:39)
You’re doing this for yourself. You’re doing this for your kids, for your future, for your kids’ future. You stepping out of this situation, or if you’re on the outside now and questioning or feeling guilty, no, you should feel guilty, not guilty. I don’t want to put pressure on you. You’re still in it and trying to get out, but you’re going to have more guilt. I’m not saying you should. I’m not judging. You will have guilt if you stay in a toxic world where it’s not just crushing you, but it’s crushing your children. And yes, I know a lot of people think, oh, broken families crush the look. I’m a product of a broken home. I might, okay, they’ll be okay. They’ll be better off being away from a toxic parent as much as they can. I know they may get custody rights maybe half the time even, and sometimes we can’t do anything about that.

(09:37)
But half the time away is amazing. And you being able to heal and be a better role model because you actually are out of the situation. When you’re in the situation, you can’t heal, okay? You cannot stay in a toxic relationship and move on and heal and be of a healthy mind. So you need to get out. You need to heal. So then at least half the time, hopefully more, you’re bettering yourself and your child is seeing it, and you are role modeling a he mindset, a healthier relationship with self, a healthier relationship with others. You’re showing them what they should accept and not accept in their lives. Sorry, I got on a little side. Preach. Got a little passionate there, but do it for you. Do it for your kids and your future. The whole world could call you selfish, okay? But you’re not. What are you? You’re getting freaking healthy and you’re not self-sacrificing and sabotaging your entire damn soul, okay? You deserve better. Stop worrying what other people are saying, especially the bullshit or narcissist, come on, we know their brain’s not right? Right?

(10:56)
Healing requires courage. You’re here, you’re doing the work, you’re listening to this. And if you freeze up in those moments when someone calls you selfish, I got you. I have actually, I have, oh, I didn’t even mention it. I have a new scripts you can purchase that will give you words to say to co-parents, toxic exes, family, whoever’s trying to guilt trip you. So we can help with that part. And they’re normally $37. But if you’re listening to today, my little podcast crew, you can grab them for just $17 with the code piece. So I’ll put the code, I think it should already automate that piece code in there, but if not, P-E-A-C-E. But I think it should automatically apply the discount for you. And so that’s only 17, so it’s $20 discount. I love my podcast people and I want you guys, I make it affordable enough so you can have this help in your back pocket.

(11:58)
Look at these examples, and if you have a question or whatever, reach out. Email me. My email’s always in the show notes. I don’t bite. Just say, Hey, is there another way I could say this? If one thing doesn’t sound exactly how you might say it and you’re just trying to brainstorm, how else could you maybe say it? I will help you with that. Please email me. I love helping, but it’s just a good general guide to deal with, specifically dealing with narcissists or toxic people or controlling people or So first, don’t let the toxic people steal your sparkle. Okay? Because glittery and beautiful, grab that copy paste piece. It’s called the scripts, okay? 17 bucks. And come join the sisterhood. I have a private Facebook page and that’s awesome. So that’s free and it’s private so no one can see you’re in it besides you and the people in it.

(12:53)
And if you want that deep personalized transformation, right? Like you are ready, clients in my three month one-on-ones are amazing, getting epic results. They show up, right? You got to show up every week we have our one-on-one zoom calls. You get these transformational mindset and somatic tools, and we’re customizing everything. Your life is going to change for the better hands down. So if you want that level, then go click on the three month link there. It’s called reclaiming you because you’re going to reclaim you whether you like it or not. And I will walk that journey with you hand in hand, right? So all the links are below and until Thursday, which will be more of a deeper somatic tool. Supporting this episode. Keep protecting your peace. Stand in that power and thrive like the queen you are. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.