Anil Gupta has a rule you already follow for your right shoulder – you’d never hand it over just because someone asked – and he wants you to apply it to your happiness.

Anil is a relationship coach who goes by The Love Doctor (LinkedIn). He tells Jeremy Rivera why he defines love as acceptance, why forgiveness is something you do for yourself, and the happiness formula he teaches: give, grow, gratitude. The full episode recap has the whole conversation, or you can watch it on YouTube.

In this episode

• The house between your ears – you’d never let a guest who trashed your house stay. “The most expensive real estate in the world is between your ears.” Anil says forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. “It doesn’t mean that you’re letting them get away with it, it’s just that you’re not giving them your power.”
• The right shoulder rule – “What if you had the same rule for your happiness? Under no circumstances will I give my happiness away.” Someone cuts you up, you miss the train, someone says something to you. He wants you to be a nonstick frying pan. If you run a business, that rule works at the counter too.
• Intent – Anil tells a story about throwing his wife to the ground, and then why: a poisonous snake was about to bite her. “It’s all about intent.”
• Languaging – he coaches students to swap labels for “I had an experience” and to “look at things as they are, not what they mean.” Anil’s views on language and labels are his coaching views, not medical advice. If you’re dealing with trauma or PTSD, work with a qualified professional.
• Couples – the question he’d have Jeremy ask his wife: “Honey, what can I do to make you feel even more loved?” Plus a repair script for when you hurt your partner, and why your partner, not the kids, comes first.
• The three-foot rule – anyone within three feet of Anil gets a compliment or a joke. “We never know what other people are going through.”

Anil’s story

Anil says he was born in Kenya, moved to London in 1966 and practiced as an optometrist for 20 years before moving to America. He says he lost everything in the stock market and real estate in 2008 and was suicidal, and that’s when he started helping people. “My identity was money. Now my identity is love.” If you’re struggling, call or text 988 (US) to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Chapters

• (00:00) What is love? Love is acceptance
• (01:14) Forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom
• (03:09) The most expensive real estate is between your ears
• (04:09) Don’t give your power away: the right shoulder rule
• (08:09) The snake story: it’s all about intent
• (10:16) The happiness formula: give, grow, gratitude
• (11:03) Anil’s story: from money to love
• (13:03) Languaging is everything
• (18:22) How couples adjust as they change
• (20:14) Healing hurt: the repair conversation
• (27:00) Be so amazing that you cannot be ignored
• (27:49) The three-foot rule
• (30:22) How to reach Anil

Notable quotes

“Forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom.” – Anil Gupta

“Be so amazing that you cannot be ignored.” – Anil Gupta

David Levine talked about old school service on the show, and Francie Jain about burnout and group coaching.

Find Anil at meetanil.com, where you can ask about a call or get his book, Immediate Happiness.

This episode is supported by uSERP, a GEO agency, Oleno, shared AI context for teams, and ClearLead Digital, marketing for property management companies. Sponsor disclosure: uSERP, Oleno and ClearLead Digital are paid sponsors of the Unscripted podcast network. Links to them are marked as sponsored.

Unscripted Small Business is hosted by Jeremy Rivera.